


Perhaps a reward, Perhaps a Punishment

by kaitlia777



Category: Captain America, Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers, Thor (2011), X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Crack, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-21
Updated: 2011-09-21
Packaged: 2017-10-23 22:06:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/255535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaitlia777/pseuds/kaitlia777
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crack! Avengers meet XMFC</p>
            </blockquote>





	Perhaps a reward, Perhaps a Punishment

**Author's Note:**

> So, this was posted on Texts From Xavier’s Academy:
> 
> Fuck timelines.  
> I can see Tony breaking into Charles’s booze stash and generally hitting on everything that moves, while Steve and Erik reminisce about WW2 and how much the Nazi’s sucked.  
> Charles’s and Erik, of course, would totally try and get Tony and Steve together while Raven tries her best to instigate a threesome with Natasha and Clint. Bruce and Hank would be their brainy BAMF selves, Thor would bro it up with Sean and Alex and get high with them.  
> And both Nick Fury and Moira would be in the corner wondering where in their lives did they go wrong.

“How did this become my life?”

Casting a similarly weary gaze at Moira MacTaggert, Nick Fury couldn’t help but let out a disgruntled snort. “Karma’s a vindictive fuckin’ bitch.”

Moira stared at him for a moment, big eyed, before nodding. “That makes as much sense as anything else around here.”

As she finished speaking, an explosion rocked the house. Neither of them moved as, between Hank, Bruce, Tony and Alex, daily explosions had become commonplace.

No one was entirely sure exactly what had happened or how, but one moment The Avengers ( Fury, Captain America, Ironman, Hawkeye, Black Widow, Thor and Hulk as well as Agent Phil Coulsen) had been aboard their cargo helicopter, on their way back from a mission and the next they’d found themselves crash landing atop a submarine, which was sticking out of an iceberg.

Cap had been (understandably) more than a little disgruntled by all the ice and. when four angry people emerge from the sub, all hell broke lose.

The blonde woman tried to attack them telepathically, but Thor proved immune and, realizing what was happening, bounded over to her and lifted her into the air, demanding she stop.

In her shock, she did.

Then the red guy teleported behind Steve and tried to skewer him with his tail… which Steve caught before punching red guy. Hard. Red guy was no longer an issue.

The Latino threw tornadoes at them as the final guy, wearing a dumb ass helmet and a smirk, sauntered towards them. Ironman launched himself bodily at tornado boy, slamming into him and cutting off the tornadoes… but not before a chunk of ice hit Bruce in the head, which made him mad.

Smirky’s helmet didn’t prevent an enormous, green fist from crushing his skull.

Clearly deciding she did not want her own brains splattered across the ice, blondie (Emma Frost) became quite forthcoming. Once Fury got over the complete FUBAR-ness of the fact that they were stuck in 19-freakin-62, he gathered his wits and took stock of the situation, making a mental list of who he might be able to call on for help in this era.

It was a short list.

In the end, he decided to give Charles Xavier a call, as he was fairly sure the man had begun gathering his own team in ‘62.

It was extremely odd to see an old school version of the X-Men’s Blackbird setting down, seeing a 20-something Xavier bound out to meet them followed by a glowering Magneto (who very nearly ripped the hull off of the sub when he found out about the guy Bruce had smashed) and a passel of teenagers.

And Moira MacTaggert, CIA.

Xavier had been quite willing to take them in and they’d taken him up on his hospitality.

A few weeks later, Fury was beginning to regret that decision..

The Xavier Fury knew was a reserved, refined man. He could, on occasion, be a bit of a dick, but so could most people Fury knew. This Xavier was a wide eyed, naive, excitable little lush with a tendency to flirt outrageously (using the worst chat up lines Fury had ever heard).

Oh, and he was so clearly in love with Magneto…Erik, who was equally besotted with him. That was strange as hell and took a lot of getting used to. Of course, when he wasn’t giving Xavier affectionate looks, he was glaring at Fury, Thor, Stark,, Natasha, Bruce (all of them, save Cap) like he was plotting their deaths and where to hide the bodies.

Sean Cassidy assured them that this was simply Erik’s default expression and he probably didn’t want them dead. Except perhaps Bruce, ‘cuz he’d been very focused on the idea of killing Shaw (he of the douche helmet). Cassidy was a nice kid, but Fury had a hard time reconciling the giggly teen with the competent man he would later become.

Seriously, the man would be the headmaster of a school and here he was, just a kid who got high all he time. Thor had taken up with Cassidy and Summers (clearly, the moody thing was genetic) and the three of them spent a lot of time raiding the kitchen, looking for eye drops and engaging in what seemed to be an ongoing war with the local squirrel population.

Fury had actually seen Coulsen bang his head against a wall the day that Thor was witnessed chasing a particularly large squirrel across the lawn, shouting, “Stop and face your death with honor.”

The squirrel had escaped into the trees and Thor had pouted for over an hour.

Of course, the first thing Stark had done was locate Xavier’s wine cellar. On a good day, Fury thought the man’s blood was probably 15% alcohol and, when he actually drank, it just got worse. Their fist night at Xavier’s castle, Stark had really tied one on, unhappy over how quickly Cap and Erik were bonding.

If discussing their mutual hatred of Nazi’s (particularly megalomaniacal sociopaths named Schmidt) could be called bonding.

That was before it became clear that Xavier and Lehnsherr were a couple. Once Stark figured that out he got an odd gleam in his eyes that Fury was sure he did not want to ask about.

Hank and Bruce had discovered their common, genius ground and almost immediately began blowing shit up in the labs. After the first explosion had startled Coulsen, Lehnsherr had grinned, showing far too many teeth and assured them that plenty of fire extinguishers were kept on hand.

The explosions were less unsettling than that smile.

Clint and Natasha had reacted to the time travel thing with aplomb. “Cool,” Clint had said, then grinned at Natasha, “We get to see the 60’s first hand. Age of free love and all.”

She’d just smirked. After about a week, Fury realized Xavier’s sister had joined in on their…thing. He didn’t know who approached who, but Natasha and Raven were both looking particularly smug and Clint was walking around with a permanently shocked/stupidly happy look on his face.

Needless to say, the X-Men of the early 60’s were nothing like the ones of the 21st century. Cyclops probably would have had a stroke if anyone used the words Professor X and keg stand in the same sentence, let alone seen it happen.

“It’s like living with a bunch of drunk, stoned, super powered, genius toddlers with ADHA,” Coulsen moaned, staring out the window as Thor, Banshee and Havok crouched behind a bush, stalking a duck on the other side (clearly, ducks had joined squirrels on their list of enemies). Acrid black smoke was billowing out of one of the labs where Hank and Bruce were working. Tony and Steve were sitting on the lawn (Fury had wondered about the picnic basket he’d seen Xavier pass Starke earlier), nibbling on bread, cheese and fruit, while Xavier and Lehnsherr were off somewhere, “playing chess”.

Everyone knew what that was code for.

Clint, Natasha and Raven…well, they didn’t even bother with a code to disguise their nooner, but at least they’d gone somewhere out of sight.

Heaving a sigh, Fury went over to the Study’s liquor cabinet (Bless Xavier’s booze soaked little soul, there was one in nearly every room) and pulled out a bottle of the good scotch. When Moira raised a brow at him, he said, “We deserve it.”

The three of them drank in silence, pondering their rolls as babysitter/zookeepers.

Coulsen poured them each a double as yet another explosion echoed through the halls.

 

* * *

Comments, pretty please?


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